Thanks for the support, guys, and here's my report.
Yes, I have the headlight relay installed.
What's different is the buzzing during startup sequence. Give another listen to my recording on page 1. Sounds like interrupted "errr err err errrrr"
Okay, terminals, ground, and starter cleaned and tightened, battery showing 12.36 volts, good cranking speed, and nothing.
No sound from the tank or movement of fuel during starting sequence, but the fuel tank is nearly full from force of habit. I cannot hear the fuel pump.
So I removed the stock air cleaner, sprayed a couple seconds of starter fluid down the plenum, and she started right up. Ran for about 4 seconds.
Has anyone had to replace the fuel pump with less than 25,000 miles on the odometer? Does that sound like a good diagnosis?
Thanks, ya'll!