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Happy Pilot

The Fable of a Happy Pilot



Once upon a time, a pilot asked a beautiful princess, "Will you marry me?"
The princess said, "No!"

And the pilot lived happily ever after and flew fighters all over the world and drove hot cars and chased skinny long-legged big-breasted flight attendants and hunted and fished and went to topless bars and dated women half his age and drank Wiehenstephaner German beer and Captain Morgan rum and never heard *****ing and never paid child support or alimony and kept his house and guns and ate cold leftovers, potato chips and beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was real cool.
And he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.
The End
 
took my wife out looking for a new car today ( shes tired of driving my truck ) must have looked at 100 different cars trucks suvs etc. drove 4 or 5 found a couple in our price range decided to sleep on it and decide in the morning on way home i asked her if she found anything she wanted she said no did not find anything she wanted!surprised me told her we must have looked at 100 cars drove a bunch found some in our price range what do you want? she said i want something to go from zero to 100 in under 8 seconds! sooo i went to the store and bought a bathroom scale she said something but i didnt make out what she said the ringing in my head was to loud
 
thats supposed to be zero to 300 now thats shes not here to watch what i write i can write the truth oops gotta go OUCH!!!
 
Stranded On An Island

A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft." Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She comes up to the guy and she says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

"Ten years!" he says.

She reaches over, unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!"

Then she asks, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?"

He replies, "Ten years!"

She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.

He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's fantastic!"

Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've had some REAL fun?"

And the man replies, "My God! Don't tell me you've got a motorcycle in there!"
 
Being the good Aussie bloke

The Missus and I walked past a swanky new restaurant last night.

"Did you smell that food, it smelled incredible?" she said.

Being the good Aussie bloke that I am, I thought :

"Bugger it. I'll give her a treat !"

So we walked past it again!
 
I'll never forget how happy I was

I'll never forget how happy I was when I saw my missus walking down the aisle towards me..............

My heart was beating fast and the excitement was unbearable.

It seemed to take an age, but eventually there she was, standing beside me.

I gave her a cheeky wink and said, "Get that trolley over here love. They're doing 3 cartons of VB, for the price of 2."
 
This is a frightening statistic

THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC.


PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST WORRISOME IN RECENT YEARS.


25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.


That's scary, It means 75% are running around untreated.
 
good friend of mine was telling me a story when he was having some hard times he was out grocery shopping with his wife he put a twelve pack of beer in the cart his wife said they could not afford it untill he got a job and had money coming in made him take it out later he saw her put some makeup and such in the cart he questioned her on it she said it made her look pretty his reply was so does my beer
 
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