New Product Announcement!
Hello again friends!
Daryl, President & CEO of You Call It Big Bore Kits, here once again bringing you cutting edge smoke and mirror performance parts for **** near 24 hours! Folks, only an R&D department that's been around as long as ours, and with the limited financial backing that only our cheap bastard owner can provide, can bring you parts that will add power where it counts, in the minds of your friends! We here at YCI BBK know what's really important to you and we are dedicated to giving you the tools to enable you to shut your bragging, wind bag, friends' pie holes with the flip of a switch. With that, I'm proud to announce our latest product:
The "Burn Baby Burn" kit
Friends, how many times have you been to a rally and watched a bunch of drunk, shirtless, beer gut, bearded wankers spinning their rear tires off the rim in an effort to, at most, win a case of Bud Light, but more often than not for no other reason than to show off all 37 horse power of their over-the-top, chrome plated, substitute for reasonable size penis, noise maker? You know what I'm talking about, I can see it in your virtual eyes. How many times have thought to yourself "Man, if weren't such a tight ass that refuses to burn off a perfectly good tire, I'd show him what for!"? Plenty of times, right? Well friends, today is your lucky day.
For the unheard of LOW LOW LOW price of $300 installed, you'll have all you need to send old bearded, blow hard, noise and smoke maker to the tire replacement tent with his tail tucked between his legs and with that blond, crack addict, bimbo, albatrose pillion of his in tow. How so Daryl, you ask? The "Burn Baby Burn" kit, my friends; more fun than a body has a right to have. And best of all, your tire won't lose a SINGLE SHRED of rubber. How is this miracle possible? Leave it to your friends at You Call It Big Bore Kits, friends! Here's what you get with the kit:
- 2 Lighting 400W Fog Machines (one installed in each saddlebag). You don't have saddle bags? No worries, friends. We'll be happy to fab 2 faux bags from recycled Coleman coolers for an additional $100.
- 1 200 watt powered speaker with pre-recorded tire screeching sounds installed from the factory
- Remote "on" switch to be mounted on your handlebars
Here's how it works friends. You simply pull up to the burnout pit and go through motions. Here are the steps: Again, it's all in the smoke and mirrors.
1. Stand up off of your seat
2. Pull your jeans out of your butt crack
3. Hit the remote switch and watch for the smoke (fog)
4. Start revving the engine slowly, increasing as the fog fills up the area and as the sound (which will automatically increase in decibals (by 10) every 2 seconds)
Once an appropriate burn has been run, you simply hit the remote switch again to turn the system off and slowly roll out of the box with a big smile on your face. No one will be the wiser.
DISCLAIMER: To maximize the effect, please ensure you do NOT go first in the burnout contest as the system will NOT leave black tire mark on pavement. Actually, nevermind. The drunken bastards that hang out there won't know the difference!
Have a great day!
Daryl,
President & CEO
You Call It Big Bore Kits
Developers of smoke and mirrors performance parts for **** near 24 hours