RocketDaryl
Top Fuel
Okay guys,
I've decided to take the plunge and open a virtual dyno shop. I've noticed that every motorycle forum I visit has countless threads started by folks that just can't be content with their bike until they're satisfied they've squeaked out every last bit of power. Well friends, I'm here to tell you your dreams are soon coming true. And competitors (Power-Tripp, Tune Boy (yeah, you're a BOY, BOY), , etc...), you will soon be on your knees begging me not to open a shop near you. Have no fear, however, as I am franchising so bring your money to the table and I'll set you up. Should you choose to start spinning the wheels in those little pea brains of yours thinking you'll actually be able to sustain your miserable little businesses after I launch my product, well, you'll live to wish you hadn't!
I know, I know, you're all wondering how this deal is going to work. Well friends, I can't release the details as that is VERY proprietary. Just know, however, you'll soon be in internet forum heaven. The idea hit me not long after I got my Thunderbird. You see, I was on that *other* forum and some mope was yapping about spending unspeakable amounts of money (I'm an accountant and my friends call me Milburn Drysdale 'cause I'm so tight), and for what? Yup, the big bore kit. The whole time this miserable mut is going on and on about it, I'm thinking to myself "what a punk, chump, dumbass; spending all that money on something like that". I mean, it's no different than these idgets buying Busas and other high performance bikes, and cars for that matter. It's not like they can use all that power, not if they want to keep their drivers license, and possibly their life.
Anyway, punk, chump, dumbass linked the part number from the Trumpet website so everyone could see the big bad kit he was buying and having installed. So, in an effort to humor him, I clicked the link and THAT'S when it hit me. Right there in the link was the oldest trick in the book. Yup, the old sugar pill routine. You see friends, Triumph realises that simply selling a kit of parts wasn't going to be good enough. I mean, no one in their right mind is going to spend $1500 or more and not have something to show for it. Now, here's the important part! Having the kit in your bike DOES NOT MATTER if you can't somehow prove it to your friends. I mean, you have to be able to show them something tangible. How can you brag and boast about it if there's nothing to show for it? Well again, Triumph put much thought into it and come up with a solution.
That solution, my friends, is to put a different derby cover on the machine. Not just any cover, mind you! No no, this cover makes a statement. It has nice big, bold numbers. It says "104". NOW, my friends, you have something to show your friends. Now, my friends, you can hold that beer firmly in your left hand whilst pointing with your right index finger and proclaim "It's got the big bore kit". Well friends, did you *really* need to spend $1500 just so you can stand there, beer in hand, proclaiming supreme superiority? The answer is as plain as the nose on your face. The answer is HELL NO!
Again friends, I can't give away the secret, but old Daryl is here to provide a service that only an analytical mind, typically found in a bean counter such as myself, can provide. For a nominal fee, you too will have the power. You too, will be able to stand and point and proclaim supreme superiority. Will you have to pay old Daryl thousands of dollars? Will you have to get your sweaty little mits greasy? Will have to shake the dirty, oily hands of some shade tree grease wanker? The answer to all of these questions, my friends, is NO.
For less than $100, you will have the same ability to smirk, brag and boast as that loser, punk chump, dumbass. That's right friends, for the small token fee listed above, you'll have all you need to impress your friends. It's tangible, it's shiney, and it works! And most importantly, you'll have something no one else will have; your very own PERSONAL derby cover. Let's say you want the .60 over or .90, or whatever. Friends, the sky is the limit. Your derby cover can say 106, 110, 161.275, etc... It's up to YOU, my friends. There's no wanker grease monkey putting limitations and caveats on your dream machine, friends. We don't know the definition of "that can't be done". You, as our customer, are TRULY the boss!
I've even developed a spreadsheet, with attached chart, that will clearly show any doubters your machine's prowess. And the greatest part yet is that YOU fill it out. There's no running your bike's engine ragged on some overgrown, stationary, noise making, 50 gallon oil drum hooked to a laptop. That's yesterday's news, friends! Hell no, we don't go for that around our shop. You simply log into our state of the art site, click on the dyno input sheet, enter the desired numbers into the input cells and the chart will magically update itself with your chosen numbers. You click print and PRESTO!
Questions? Feel free to contact me for your personal quote!
Yours in cycling,
RocketDaryl
President and CEO
You Call It Big Bore Kits
Developers of smoke and mirror performance parts for over... um... 5 minutes now
I've decided to take the plunge and open a virtual dyno shop. I've noticed that every motorycle forum I visit has countless threads started by folks that just can't be content with their bike until they're satisfied they've squeaked out every last bit of power. Well friends, I'm here to tell you your dreams are soon coming true. And competitors (Power-Tripp, Tune Boy (yeah, you're a BOY, BOY), , etc...), you will soon be on your knees begging me not to open a shop near you. Have no fear, however, as I am franchising so bring your money to the table and I'll set you up. Should you choose to start spinning the wheels in those little pea brains of yours thinking you'll actually be able to sustain your miserable little businesses after I launch my product, well, you'll live to wish you hadn't!
I know, I know, you're all wondering how this deal is going to work. Well friends, I can't release the details as that is VERY proprietary. Just know, however, you'll soon be in internet forum heaven. The idea hit me not long after I got my Thunderbird. You see, I was on that *other* forum and some mope was yapping about spending unspeakable amounts of money (I'm an accountant and my friends call me Milburn Drysdale 'cause I'm so tight), and for what? Yup, the big bore kit. The whole time this miserable mut is going on and on about it, I'm thinking to myself "what a punk, chump, dumbass; spending all that money on something like that". I mean, it's no different than these idgets buying Busas and other high performance bikes, and cars for that matter. It's not like they can use all that power, not if they want to keep their drivers license, and possibly their life.
Anyway, punk, chump, dumbass linked the part number from the Trumpet website so everyone could see the big bad kit he was buying and having installed. So, in an effort to humor him, I clicked the link and THAT'S when it hit me. Right there in the link was the oldest trick in the book. Yup, the old sugar pill routine. You see friends, Triumph realises that simply selling a kit of parts wasn't going to be good enough. I mean, no one in their right mind is going to spend $1500 or more and not have something to show for it. Now, here's the important part! Having the kit in your bike DOES NOT MATTER if you can't somehow prove it to your friends. I mean, you have to be able to show them something tangible. How can you brag and boast about it if there's nothing to show for it? Well again, Triumph put much thought into it and come up with a solution.
That solution, my friends, is to put a different derby cover on the machine. Not just any cover, mind you! No no, this cover makes a statement. It has nice big, bold numbers. It says "104". NOW, my friends, you have something to show your friends. Now, my friends, you can hold that beer firmly in your left hand whilst pointing with your right index finger and proclaim "It's got the big bore kit". Well friends, did you *really* need to spend $1500 just so you can stand there, beer in hand, proclaiming supreme superiority? The answer is as plain as the nose on your face. The answer is HELL NO!
Again friends, I can't give away the secret, but old Daryl is here to provide a service that only an analytical mind, typically found in a bean counter such as myself, can provide. For a nominal fee, you too will have the power. You too, will be able to stand and point and proclaim supreme superiority. Will you have to pay old Daryl thousands of dollars? Will you have to get your sweaty little mits greasy? Will have to shake the dirty, oily hands of some shade tree grease wanker? The answer to all of these questions, my friends, is NO.
For less than $100, you will have the same ability to smirk, brag and boast as that loser, punk chump, dumbass. That's right friends, for the small token fee listed above, you'll have all you need to impress your friends. It's tangible, it's shiney, and it works! And most importantly, you'll have something no one else will have; your very own PERSONAL derby cover. Let's say you want the .60 over or .90, or whatever. Friends, the sky is the limit. Your derby cover can say 106, 110, 161.275, etc... It's up to YOU, my friends. There's no wanker grease monkey putting limitations and caveats on your dream machine, friends. We don't know the definition of "that can't be done". You, as our customer, are TRULY the boss!
I've even developed a spreadsheet, with attached chart, that will clearly show any doubters your machine's prowess. And the greatest part yet is that YOU fill it out. There's no running your bike's engine ragged on some overgrown, stationary, noise making, 50 gallon oil drum hooked to a laptop. That's yesterday's news, friends! Hell no, we don't go for that around our shop. You simply log into our state of the art site, click on the dyno input sheet, enter the desired numbers into the input cells and the chart will magically update itself with your chosen numbers. You click print and PRESTO!
Questions? Feel free to contact me for your personal quote!
Yours in cycling,
RocketDaryl
President and CEO
You Call It Big Bore Kits
Developers of smoke and mirror performance parts for over... um... 5 minutes now