Ok, after a long ****en day stuck walking around, I found a a passer-by who was able to call a motorcycle transport company for me. YES I CHOSE TODAY TO DELIBERATELY LEAVE ME PHONE AT HOME TO PROVE I DONT NEED TECHNOLOGY. SOS transport came up straight away and picked up the bike. In another twist, he knew the guys from Worthingtons' BMW who was ironically 5 minutes away. He took my bike to them for an electrical test. Seems on the red terminal on the battery the screw/bolt wasnt long enough to properly "ground" out on the bridge-thread reciever that is underneath the actual terminal. It turns out it was only 1 or 2 lines into the thread therefore not providing 100% contact. Perhaps the bumpy road loosened the connection.
So to sum it up, my idiocy of not even having a **** screwdriver or socket driver with me cost me 7 hours of a day-trip I was so looking forward to for weeks.
Appreciate everyone who offered their advice. Means alot that you all were willing to help me.
Big thanks to SOS transport, Worthingtons' BMW and to the stranger who saved my dumbass by calling for help
Nothing wrong with the bike itself or triumph or dealerships..........just the moron (me) who owns it.