Flea-Bay And The Land of Oz - Part 1

atomsplitter

Living Legend
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Keller, TX
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Flea-Bay And The Land of Oz
By Atomsplitter


I live in Kansas and by definition since L. Frank Baum immortalized this state in his children’s book series it has been known as Oz. New Mexico’s license tags reading “Land of Ahs” notwithstanding, Kansas is the original OZ. In fact the town of Wamego, KS has the Oz Museum. (I’ve even purchased products from Oz Cycle Salvage (ozpowersports.com) in Ottawa, Kansas). So there should be no mistake as to where Oz resides.

A few years back I was fiddling a 1972 Yamaha XS 650 XS2 back to life with the intention of making a huge profit when it was done. My intention versus reality is defined by the actual sales experience (and usually starts my pocketbook pains). For me the delta between “moderate” profit and “huge” isn’t the yawning chasm that most people might assume. If, say, I made $10.00 over cost that would be a “moderate” profit. If I made a whopping $25.00 over my cost then that would be “huge,” (some may consider that more a whipping, but they don’t live in Kansas). Some might think doubling or tripling an investment’s cost is “moderate” but then they have absolutely no idea what the value of a 1972 Japanese bike is to the average consumer on the open market. Knowing what I paid for it and how much I was sinking into it made the potential profit margin recede like the tide in the Bay of Fundy, (you can’t even see the ocean from there). So in essence I was hoping it would sell for something more than I had wrapped up in it (thus a “huge” profit). If it sold for less than what I had in it, well I term that a ‘don’t tell the wife.’
I had purchased this particular unit from a co-worker that had fallen on hard times (getting divorced) and he was hoping to keep a little dignity (thereby demanding cash). He had included a box of parts in the deal that he had gathered to fix the old scoot himself but had not actually mustered the courage to tackle the project. Diving into ancient Japanese bikes requires the fortitude not dissimilar to that displayed by the British cavalry during the Charge of the Light Brigade.
Into the valley of poverty rode the delusional.

Forward the Bike Remade
Was there profit to be made?
Not a ‘Tuner’ that he knew
After his whole wad that he blew
So as he has blundered on
His nest egg ripped and fully gone
Into the Valley of Bankruptcy he rode
Oblivious to reason or logic he strode.

During my initial reconnoiter of the bike I had noted some issues not previously tackled during other repair old bike reclamation jobs. My major concern was with the wiring harness since my last XS 650 burned its harness to a crisp while riding home one night at 2AM. That was back in 1976 and that bike was a 1974 model. It took 6 months to get a replacement harness from Japan. If the harness on this bike was bad I was pretty sure getting a replacement would take a smidgeon longer than 6 months (more likely to be measured in decades). The wiring checked out fine but while tracing wires on the under side of the rear fender I noticed the wheel moved left to right when I bumped it. Odd, on most bikes the wheel rotates but has no left-right movement at all. This was strange. I held onto the swingarm and wiggled the rim to see if the wheel bearings were shot. They checked out fine. So I grasped the swingarm’s chain tensioners and gave a wiggle and the whole assembly moved about three-quarters of an inch left to right. That’s not good. In fact that borders on bad to terrible.

There’s a web site dedicated to the venerable old XS 650 (XS650.com - Dedicated to the Yamaha XS650) that had a wealth of information. That site pointed me to Mike’s XS web site for parts (Yamaha XS650 Parts - MikesXS.com). I surmised I needed to replace the swingarm bearings (which it doesn’t have) and found I needed to replace the swingarm bushings (which it does have). I also found out the original bushings were plastic. I was sure that Yamaha had done this because plastic holds up so much better than metal in most cases (that or they were aiming for a price point, (the point being someone actually buying the bike)). I would also be surprised if they hadn’t already been replaced since this bike was over 30 years old, but I have found life is full of surprises. Sure enough the bushings when extracted were plastic (what was left of them). I replaced them with bronze bushings and a steel bolt tube for a meager sum (about the price of the bike) from Mike’s supply.

As I continued my check out I found the electric starter would skip a few beats before crunching the flywheel and then spinning the motor. While it wasn’t completely unnerving it was causing my sphincter to pucker every time I hit the starter button. So back to Mike’s XS to buy a robust starter gear replacement. The original gear was made from a softer material than the flywheel so that it would wear and the flywheel would not. Unfortunately metallurgy in the Cretaceous of motorcycling didn’t have infinitesimally small gaps in hardness between dissimilar metals, so the result was the starter gear usually ended up beaver chewed into oblivion within a few weeks of buying the bike and thus everyone would kick start the old heaps. Mike had resolved this with a better gear and spring unit and both were available for a modest price (about the cost of the bike, each).

While I had the right engine cover off anyway to replace the starter gear I opted to replace the clutch and pressure plates as well. This was not a simple matter of just ordering the parts. The old XS2 used rubber spacers between the plates and nobody was manufacturing the clutch fiber plates with the same thickness, so I had to order an additional pressure plate and fiber ring to account for the new thinner plates. Mike has those on hand as well for a few shillings (about the cost of the bike). The right side cover also contains an oil filter and I replaced that as well. In this case however the box of goodies I got with the bike contained the filter and gasket. When I had all the new parts installed I buttoned it all back up only to discover the kick starter was locked in place and the engine dripped oil at an alarming rate. This was due to the kick-starter shaft being ‘out-of-time’ with the crank engagement gear, causing the kick-start shaft seal to rub and push on the case cover. This pushed the cover away from the mating surface allowing the engine oil to pour out about as fast as I could pour it in. Amazing (not to mention messy and slippery).

Well taking it all back apart and getting everything corrected was only time I could never recover so it was no big deal. Once it was all properly reassembled the electric starter worked like a champ to spin the motor and the kick-starter worked like a champ to reduce my knee joint to splinters. I was very pleased.
I found the lower sump filter in the box of goodies so I pulled the sump filter and discovered another factory original part. The sump filter was encased in a thick and deep black sludge material that resembled crude oil. I am sure the language I was using when I pulled it was pretty crude as well. That’s because the designers of this bike had so designed the engine as to ensure that when this filter was removed the last quart of oil remaining in the motor would run up your sleeves. That’s what I call a nifty design concept. Once the filter was back in I spent some time cleaning the barnacles off the lower engine cases. This was likely the first time that had been done since the bike was new. This was quality time (with a lot of quantity thrown in).

Continued...........
 
Flea-Bay And The Land of Oz - Part 2

The exhaust system was not in great shape; in fact it was rusted through, hacked up and basically worthless. So I was back to Mike’s for some replacement mufflers. The head pipes were solid so I just needed to bolt on some new mufflers, which Mike had at a very modest price (about three times the cost of the bike). I got the units and they arrived with shims to accommodate various size head pipes. It might have been helpful if they had included instructions as to how to apply the shims and on what models the shim should be used. But lacking that I was able to completely screw it up in short order. I first tried putting the pipes on sans the shims since they felt tight going on without them. That worked easy enough. Once I had the muffler pinch bolts completely over-torqued you could only jiggle the mufflers a half inch. Removing them didn’t require loosening the bolts either. You just can’t get any easier than that. Once the mufflers were off I fitted the shims in and found the reduced diameter of the muffler pipe wouldn’t fit over the head pipe with the shims installed. Now we’re getting somewhere. So like any good lunatic I grabbed an old chunk of lumber and a 2-pound sledgehammer and persuaded the mufflers and shims over the head pipes with some sweet talk. Of course the language I was using was silky as riprap. This time when I cinched down the pinch bolts they snapped like twigs. Typical.
After all the fiddling, cajoling, hours of fun and frolic (pronounced fra-stay-shun) I had the bike up and running. I took a few test rides around the block. In my case the ‘block’ is getting out on US highway 75 and riding to US highway 56 and back without being creamed by 18-wheelers. I also rode it to work to ensure it was road worthy enough for daily commuting duty (35 miles one-way). I noted on those occasions that the lack of wind protection caused my grip to be so tight as to cause the throttle tube grip to come off in my hand. That was a bother. No amount of fiddling, twiddling, yelling, screaming, or hysterical fits would keep the grip and tube together at speed. I even went so far as to buy a new grip assembly (about half the price of the bike) that was supposedly ‘universal.’ Well the XS and the new grip were from different universes because it didn’t fit. The original uses a double throttle cable (push-pull) and the ‘universal’ had a single cable port. So using my God given acumen and having plenty of superglue I attempted to bond the grip and throttle tube in a permanent manner. It was permanent for less than 60 seconds. I should note there is a point aviator’s talk about when trying to rectify a control issue that refuses to be controlled while flying. That point is termed ‘no-joy.’ This usually precedes pulling the ejection handle on the recalcitrant craft by a matter of seconds. On this little task I had achieved ‘no-joy.’ I put it up for sale with the grip being as loose as Heidi Fleiss.
Putting the bike up for sale was not a hard decision. The hard part was whether it should be sold locally or put it on E-bay. Locally I could expect to get some interest but no guarantee of a sale at a price I would be willing to live with. So I decided to have the greatest opportunity to achieve a ‘huge’ profit I would put it up for auction on the World Wide Web. I took some pictures of the bike as it sat collecting dust and wrote a truthful and honest ad. I then figured I wouldn’t get the price of the clutch with that so I rounded a few corners and schmoozed a few phrases in the ad until it was just short of being actionable. I figured if anyone was really interested they would request more information at which point I would adopt a full disclosure attitude (as long as I didn’t have to disclose anything they didn’t directly ask about). I then wrestled with whether or not I should put a reserve on the bike. On the up side I wasn’t committed to selling the bike if it didn’t make reserve, on the down side I wouldn’t be getting any of my money back if it didn’t sell. So I opted for a middle approach, I put a reserve on that hit my investment by a negative $50.00. That way I was sure the biggest down side would be ‘don’t tell the wife.’
So I put my ad together and posted it on E-bay for a 10-day initial run. The bidding started out rather slowly, in fact it was glacial like in it’s frenzied rush to my reserve. After 6 days of hot bid the second offer came in for just over $3.00. I was pretty sure I would need to carefully craft my second chance offers so I could assure a bid within 10% of what I had in the bike. I was that confident it would sell. On the 8th day another bid showed up with more than two digits. Hope welled up like excessive alcohol at a frat party (and about as tasty too). By day nine there was a flurry of bidding between 2 people. One of the bidders had emailed me several times about various things and I was confident I had scared him completely off. The other bidder had not bothered to contact me, but I noted his location was in Australia so there was no way he was going to buy. I didn’t know why that guy was bothering to run the price up since there was no way I was going to ship the bike to Australia. I wasn’t willing to ship the bike to my next-door neighbor, so I was pretty certain that bozo was just going to ruin my auction. When the final day arrived the reserve I had placed was met so I knew the bike was going to sell (of course it needed $50.00 more to actually make it break even). The auction action had me in a fever pitch, while the bidding action could be timed with a sundial. When the auction ended I had hit a profit and it was slightly less than ‘moderate.’ I made my money back that was cool. The winner was in Australia. That was frosty enough to qualify as ‘chilling.’ So I envisioned a second chance offer for the loser since I was pretty certain the winner had as much chance of actually acquiring the bike as I do of making the next Space Shuttle mission.
 
Flea-Bay and The Land of OZ - Part 3

Well the proprieties must be observed so I dutifully sent an electronic invoice to the winner expecting to have that disappear into a cybernetic black hole. The loser of the auction sent me an e-mail a few hours after the auction stating their final bid hadn’t been accepted (bad timing) and that he would pay me $100.00 over the winning bid to cancel the auction out. Now I have been tempted from time to time to do something that might skirt the legal boundaries of ‘right and wrong’ but have never actually jumped over that particular fence. So I kindly replied to that person that I had to give the winner every opportunity to do the right thing before I accepted (much to my growing dismay) his generous offer.
Twenty-four hours (thereabouts) after the auction I got an email from the winner. His name was Jurgen Sandner and he wanted my phone number. I’m not a real suspicious kind of guy but I was a little leery of giving some dude in Australia my phone number. What was he going to use it for? I sent a reply that we could handle business through Paypal and he shouldn’t need my number. I also asked him how he intended on picking up his bike since I wasn’t willing to ferry it to him. He replied he needed my phone number to discuss that and couldn’t we work outside Paypal to save some money. Now my suspicion antennae are on full alert. This sounds fishy, it reads fishy, and I’m generally crabby anyway so I wasn’t about to do anything that gave this guy a shot at stealing my identity. But to be fair I thought I should try to meet him half way so I sent him my cell phone number. At worst he could put my Verizon bill into orbit.
A couple days later I’m sitting in my living room watching the Kansas City Chiefs lose another game when my cell phone starts ringing. I answered it so I wouldn’t have to watch my hapless team getting smoked by a prep school and it’s some dude with an accent so thick I can’t understand anything he’s blathering about. So after some typical cell phone speak, ‘w-h-o a-r-e y-o-u l-o-o-k-I-n-g f-o-r?’ I discerned this must be the guy from Australia. Something I’ve learned about Australians (since) is that when they are working in Hollywood they speak and enunciate with enough clarity to qualify as English but when you are conversing with a native in their homeland the language is foreign. He finally was able to get across his name Jurgen and that he wanted to discuss the arrangements for the XS. I was a bit taken aback. You could compare it to watching a stunt man on a cable getting jerked through a fake wall and you have the general gist. First that this dude was calling from Australia and second he was serious about buying the bike. This was strange (queue the Twilight Zone theme).
After several stops and starts to the conversation I determined he was truly serious about actually acquiring the old XS. The first hurdle was money; I insisted that he pay through Paypal for my protection. I wasn’t about to hand out any bank routing numbers regardless of the dollar savings. I had heard of various scams where people gave that information and the next thing they knew every nickel they ever saved was on its way to Somalia. So I wanted a buffer of protection between Jurgen and me (even though he sounded like a very reasonable guy (of what I could decipher out of his conversation)). So he said he would get his bank to make the transfer and he would even throw in a couple bucks to make up the Paypal payment costs. Now that offer had me convinced he was either serious or seriously deranged. He then asked if I needed to get the bike moved out right away or could I keep it for a while until he arranged the shipping. Since it was not taking up any less room than it did before (or any more) I said I could keep it in my shop until his arrangements were made. If it took more than 6 months I’d charge storage.
Three days later Paypal notified me I had a payment. I went on-line and sure enough the money was there as promised. Now I do not know when I set my Paypal account up exactly and I don’t recall all the particulars I processed for banking through Paypal, but I found out I had somehow managed to put a cap on how much I could withdraw in a single transaction. That limit was far below the amount of money Jurgen had so graciously put into my account. The real problem was that I wanted to transfer all that money out and put into my bank account to ensure it wouldn’t vaporize in a cybernetic flash of Tom Foolery (*****or Harry Foolery either). Paypal insisted that I could only withdraw so much and that I would have to wait 30 days to withdraw more, or change the withdrawal options I had selected back in the Cretaceous when I set the account up. So I immediately set about rectifying my error by accessing my account to revise my withdrawal options and Paypal dutifully shut me down every time I tried to make a change. I continued attempts over the following weeks to change my selections to allow me to withdraw an unlimited amount of money from my account only to be thwarted at every attempt. It finally dawned on me that maybe I had not opted to put the limit on my account at all but Paypal had automatically set that limit in some nefarious way. And since Paypal was running the show perhaps they wanted to use my money for their own nefarious schemes, thereby negating my ability to remove my money and deposit it in the bank of my choosing. Frustration is an ugly mistress and the more frustrated I got the uglier she became until I finally had to just end the affair all together. By the time I was ready to throw in the towel enough time had elapsed I had all my money deposited in my bank account. I don’t use Paypal anymore except to make payments to others (it’s my fiendish delight knowing what’s in store for them).
Jurgen called about three weeks after he made his payment and asked if I had gotten the money. I assured him my Paypal had indeed been enrichened (while I remained impoverished). He said he had made arrangements with a shipper to pick his bike up and that they would contact me. He asked if I would send the title documents to the shipper separately. This was to ensure that the title wouldn’t get lost in transport with the bike. He gave me the address and name and I said I’d send it out ASAP. Of course now curious and he was spending his dime to have this conversation I asked where in Australia he was. New Castle home of the coal mines. Interesting, I thought, I always heard that New Castle was home to coal mining but I had assumed it was in Great Britian. Well there was a geography lesson for you.
I was left with a quandary with how many legal titles I should send (I had three) from my previous episode with the state’s DMV. I opted to send him the title with my name on it since it would cause the least confusion for everyone along with other documents (including a Bill of Sale and a Haynes repair manual) to the address he had stipulated.
Two weeks after the title had been sent I got a phone call from a guy in Indiana. He was the shipping agent and was headed to Kansas to pick the XS up and he wanted to make sure I would be there when he arrived. I said I would and asked when he expected to be at my place. His answer was somewhat vague but it would be for sure the next day some time. The next day while at work my wife called me, the shipping agent had just called to say he would be there that night. He was in St. Louis and had a pickup in Kansas City and then would come out to our place. So knowing where he was and what was ahead I knew I didn’t have to leave work early, my concern was getting some sleep that night.
 
Flea-Bay And The Land of Oz - Part 4

At about 5PM the shipper called and asked if we were going to be home, my wife assured him we were. At 6PM he called again, this time to get directions. His GPS wasn’t providing him any useable data. My wife handed me the phone because I can explain why GPS is useless in Kansas. I told the guy that as he was leaving Missouri he would see the “Welcome to Kansas” sign and that he would then need to reset his wristwatch back fifty years. I explained that most of Kansas was still trying to catch up on 911 technology instituted in the 1960’s by providing street addresses to residents. I suggested that he turn his GPS off and just follow my instructions if he wanted to find my place (I live in the country). The first hurdle was to get him on the right highway. I told him what exit to take off US Interstate 35 going south. I said that when he got to the stop sign to turn right, and then call me back. I got that phone call and the guy was sounding very worried.
“I’m going through some town,” he said.
“Great,” I said, “You are in Gardner. Stay on the road you are on.”
“But I don’t see any highway signs,” he said plaintively.
“Great,” I said, “you’re on the right road, that’s US highway 56.”
“So where is the highway,” he asked, “I’m going by a KFC Pizza Hut downtown.”
“That IS the highway,” I stated matter of factly. “You’ll run all the way through town and when you get to the end of Gardner you’ll have to choose between going straight to God only knows where or bear left. You’ll want to bear left unless you want to go God only knows where,” I said.
“OK,” he whimpered.
About twenty minutes later he calls again.
“I’m coming into another town,” he said.
“Great that should be Baldwin,” I stated, “You want to continue on that road until you get to Highway 59 about four miles west of Baldwin. When you get there keep going straight. Fifteen miles down that road you’ll be in Overbrook. When you get to Overbrook call me again and I’ll guide you here. Do NOT use your GPS to get from Overbrook to my place, you’ll only get lost,” I warned.
Forty-five minutes later I get a phone call. The guy is lost. He tried using his GPS. I wonder what I must have said that was so unclear that he felt like the GPS would be of use in rural Kansas? That was a real mystery. I thought I had been clear and concise during my instructions and now in my recollection I still cannot fathom the inprecision to my communication. Perhaps it was that he had more faith in his electronics than my spoken word. It may have been that he felt more comfortable relying on technology that in Kansas is tantamount to just useless hardware. Kind of like taking a camping stove to Hell. At any rate I now needed to extricate him from his dilemma.
“Where are you at?” I queried.
“I don’t know,” he said nervously, “I turned where the GPS said and now I’m on some gravel road.”
“OK you’re pretty close,” I assured him. “You’ll need to turn around and get back to Highway 56. When you get there turn left and go until you get to US Highway 75 intersection. You can turn north or south on 75, you want to go south toward Lyndon. When you make that turn SOUTH toward Lyndon call me again.”
“OK” he said sounding like a whipped puppy.
Fifteen minutes later the phone rings.
“You on the ramp?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said, “where am I going now please?”
“You are going south, when you come around the bend in the highway you’ll see a car sitting on the left side of the road with its hazard lights flashing, do you see it?”
“Yeah, I see that,” he said with amazement.
“Well that’s me,” I said, “just follow me and we’ll get you taken care of.”
“Great.” He said with relief.
He turned off the highway and pulled in behind me as we went up my drive. He was driving a one-ton dually pickup with a forty foot enclosed trailer behind it. I knew I had enough room to accommodate his rig but I wasn’t too sure about turning it around in my field between my shop and my wife’s garden shed. It was really a long unit. His co-pilot was a young lady that got out and provided some backing signals so he could orient his rig to leave pulling the trailer vice backing the whole thing down my drive then negotiating my fenced entrance. After twenty minutes of jockeying and nearly rearranging his paint he finally shut it down.
 
Flea-Bay And the Land of Oz - Final

When he and his co-pilot opened the back of the trailer to load Jurgen’s XS I saw a trailer full of bikes I would (and did) seriously lust after. The full dress Harley wasn’t the eye candy the Norton, Laverda, and Ducati were. The Norton Commando was a café style 850cc with an immaculate paint scheme that looked fast just sitting there. I was oohing and ahhing like a John on a massage table. The motor was clean as an operating room with the fins showing signs of recent bead blasting. The carbs were jewels of polished alloy. The spoked wheels were meticulously polished down to the alloy rims. The custom seat was machine-stitched leather and buffed to a high luster. This was some really high class hardware he was toting and I was not wanting him to leave before I had time to really check all the bikes out he was carrying. I finally had to tear myself away to help him with loading the XS. I also had a box of spare parts going and told him they had to stay with the bike.
He was able to finally maneuver the bike crosswise into the back of the trailer and I picked the back of the bike up to situate it so it would clear the tailgate ramp. He then used industrial strength tie-downs to secure the bike in the back of the trailer. His trailer was now completely full of motorcycles; mine was the last one to pick up. Getting the bike in without scratching up the paint on any of the other bikes was a real trick, and the guy showed a lot of patience in getting it properly placed and secured. I was fairly impressed.
By the time he left it was near 11PM and he was heading to Texas. He asked where he could spend the night at a reasonable cost. I gave him some suggestions to which he thanked me and he and his co-pilot mounted up and drove down my drive.
I got to thinking as I stood watching his taillights going south on US 75 about what all that had transpired since I had originally purchased that old XS. I thought of the issues I had with getting it road worthy, my busted knuckles, the worn out parts I replaced and all those hours of work involved. And I also reminisced about my frolic of getting it titled, insured and licensed and then those nerve tingling moments of selling it on Flea-Bay to some bloke in Oz (as I learned Australians called it). And that’s when I really began to miss that Norton.
 
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