Beware of synthetic oil

greerso

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Jan 2, 2008
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Location
Port Washington, NY
This has been around for a while, but considering the seriousness I thought it worth a reminder.

Beware of synthetic oil, it can do terrible things to you and your beloved motorcycle. It will not only leak out of your engine faster than you can put it in, but it will also cause your oil filter to clog and implode, dumping debris and dirt into your lubrication system. It also will make every part of your bike permanently slippery because of its linear molecular chain dispersion action.

Then it will leak onto your kickstand causing it to retract automatically, dropping your bike on the ground! But that's not all...
Synthetic oil will round off your gears and spin your bearings. It will also splatter onto your seat causing your girlfriend to fall off in the apex of a turn and she'll never ride with you again. Synthetic oil coats your sight window and your timing window with a whitish pro-emulsification additive that is both non-removable and highly corrosive. Synthetic oil will completely leak onto the ground overnight and your dog will drink it and die.

Synthetic oil will wear out your tires and make your battery leak. It will give you the desperate need to urinate after you put your full leathers on and then jam your zippers shut. It will contaminate your gasoline causing your bike to stall on railroad tracks and accelerate uncontrollably near police cars. It will make it rain during rallies and on weekends. It will lubricate your timing belts causing them to jump teeth and break your valves to bits. Synthetic oil chemically weakens desmodromic valves and causes the clearances to change every six miles. Then it melts the black soles of your riding boots right before you walk across your new carpeting.

While riding past groups of attractive women it will cause both of your handlebar grips to slip off at the same time so you smash your windscreen with the bridge of your nose. It also causes your swingarm to crack, your studs to break, and your rotors to warp, and then it voids your warranty by changing your odometer reading to 55,555. It also dries out your wetclutch and wets your dryclutch. It makes your clutch slave cylinder seal fail in the heaviest traffic on the hottest day of the year while putting an angry wasp in your helmet for good measure.

Synthetic oil hides your 13mm socket and puts superglue on your earplugs. Synthetic oil will scratch your faceshield and make your gloves shrink two sizes night before trackday. Synthetic oil stole your neutral and sold it to the Chinese for $1.25. Synthetic oil will make you grow a tail.

Danny
 
I heard it will also extend the life of a Metzler tire and cause it to never wear out.
But as long as it doesn't affect my Riken Raptor,
I guess its all good.
Also just heard from a reliable internet source, it'll make the chain wear out on a Rocket twice as fast,
so everybody be careful.
 
"Synthetic oil will completely leak onto the ground overnight and your dog will drink it and die."

So THAT is what happened to "Ole Blue." He was a good dog. Who knew??

We trudge on (better informed).
 
So, I see all the joking, but is there ANY seriousness to this post? Are there any adverse side effects when using synthetic? I assume that the build quality is good enough to not leak it all over the ground overnight and kill my cat (no dog at the moment).

I guess this would be a good chance to ask what is the best oil brand and weight to use in the R3? It's essentially a car motor, so I'd guess whatever I use for my truck, I'd use for my bike. I tend to use Mobil 1 fully synthetic for my 99 Lightning, no problems for over 100,000 miles.

I love the "chain" wearing out twice as fast comment. I think you should have added "It will make your read tire shrink to a 180". That would suck.
 
There are those that swear up and down conventional oil is the way to go and that synthetic is evil. Of course, there are also those that don't believe we landed on the moon. Additionally, there are those that still watch the desert skies around Area 51 convinced they will see little green men buzz the tree tops in their little round space craft. ;)

Your owners manual specifies what oil and what weight to use.
 
So, I see all the joking, but is there ANY seriousness to this post? Are there any adverse side effects when using synthetic? I assume that the build quality is good enough to not leak it all over the ground overnight and kill my cat (no dog at the moment).

I guess this would be a good chance to ask what is the best oil brand and weight to use in the R3? It's essentially a car motor, so I'd guess whatever I use for my truck, I'd use for my bike. I tend to use Mobil 1 fully synthetic for my 99 Lightning, no problems for over 100,000 miles.

I love the "chain" wearing out twice as fast comment. I think you should have added "It will make your read tire shrink to a 180". That would suck.

Shrinking tire is funny. I didn't write that though, just copied it from a very old forum and kept it in its original form.

As a side note, I cant find the chain on my Rocket!
 
Meh, no worries about the chain. I can't find the halogen overflow tank for the headlights on my car; no problems so far with them going out. :eek:
 
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