MY AUSSIE STORY!!!

[1olbull]

Aussie Bee Sting - Helpline call:

Australian Telephone Operator: "G'day mate .... Helpline here ........What's the problem?"

Customer: "I'm in the Outback with the girlfriend and she's been stung on her thigh by a bloody bee, and now her vagina has completely closed up!"

Australian Telephone Operator: "Bummer!"

Customer: "Great advice! Thanks mate, bye.”

 

[cusso ken]

Aussie Bee Sting - Helpline call:

Australian Telephone Operator: "G'day mate .... Helpline here ........What's the problem?"

Customer: "I'm in the Outback with the girlfriend and she's been stung on her thigh by a bloody bee, and now her vagina has completely closed up!"

Australian Telephone Operator: "Bummer!"

Customer: "Great advice! Thanks mate, bye.”

Another Aussie story
One day at Bondi Beach Sydney a terrified crowd watch as a 5 metre white pointer shark circles a young boy in the surf
the crowd wait for the horrific attack ,suddenly a man runs into the surf grabs the shark and rips its dorsal fin off
mortally wounded the shark is washed up onto the beach, the man carries the child onto the sand the crowd cheers in amazement
a Reporter from the Daily Telegraph rushes up to the man and says I can see my headlines Tomorrow
Bronze Aussies saves child from vicious shark, The hero answers actually I am an Englishman on holidays
the reporter answers OK how about
Pommie bastard kills kids pet fish

 

[Mittzy]

AUSSIE MARRIAGE.

An elderly couple was at home watching TV.

Phil had the remote and was switching back and forth between a fishing channel and the **** channel.

Sally became more and more annoyed and finally said, "For god's sake, Phil... leave it on the **** channel... you know how to fish!"

 

[RKTNMYPKT]

A drunken Australian sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"
The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.
The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I ever had!"
The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing.
The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!"
At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says,
"Grandpa,....... Go home, you're drunk.

 

[idk]

There are a bunch of blokes standing at the bar when this sheila walks in. She is absolutely gorgeous and the whole place is instantly silent as she walks up to the bar. As she stands at the bar everyone is in stunned silence at her beauty, until Norm says "Wanna root?"

She looks at him and says, "Yeah, why not ya smooth talkin' bastard."

 

[Boog]

A US Navy ship pulled in to Freemantle where the city had set up a meet and greet dance above the warehouse alongside the pier. Boog met Veronica, she lives in Scarbough, She likes the way I talk. I love Aussies…
That's one of my Aussie stories...

 

[idk]

A US Navy ship pulled in to Freemantle where the city had set up a meet and greet dance above the warehouse alongside the pier. Boog met Veronica, she lives in Scarbough, She likes the way I talk. I love Aussies…
That's one of my Aussie stories...

Was Veronica about 5'8", dark hair, and slim? If so I may have known her when I lived there.

 

[albertaduke]

Aussie Bee Sting - Helpline call:

Australian Telephone Operator: "G'day mate .... Helpline here ........What's the problem?"

Customer: "I'm in the Outback with the girlfriend and she's been stung on her thigh by a bloody bee, and now her vagina has completely closed up!"

Australian Telephone Operator: "Bummer!"

Customer: "Great advice! Thanks mate, bye.”

a naked woman walk into a golf pro shop and ask the pro to teach her how to golf . the pro takes her to the range with clubs and balls and show her the basics of golf and suggest she wear some clothes when playing
ten minutes later the naked woman comes in the shop screaming " I have been stung I have been stung by a large bee" where ask the pro .... at the #2 hole answer the woman Mam didn't I tell you to wear some clothes!!!!!

 

[Boog]

Was Veronica about 5'8", dark hair, and slim? If so I may have known her when I lived there.

Not the same girl my friend, this one was about 5'5" with strawberry blond hair.

 

[Jag]

Two buddies hiking a trail together, all the sudden a rattle snake bite one of them right on the head of you no where, the guy falls to the ground in extreme pain! His buddy says let me call 911! The operator says the only way to save his life is to use you mouth and suck really hard to get all the venom out, then get him to a hospital! His buddy screams out what did they say!! THE DOCTOR SAID YOUR GONNA DIE!!