15,000 miles on the tour, and a lot of hard lessons

[Phalanx]

So, it's been 15,000 miles now on the Rocket and I can definitely say I love this thing more every **** day....

I joined this site right when I got it, and only a couple months after my Dad died from Alzheimers (I had moved him in with me for a year or so). I lost mom to Lymphoma in march of this year-2017 (she went through months of the whole chemo/radiation and man, it was brutally bad). Right when I was finally at peace with Pop being gone, WHAM....life throws out more hairpin turns.

I thought Dad had a lot to teach me in his final months....Compassion...Patience...Humility.....

But man....Watching moms throat swell up to the size of your average 6'6" 400lb wrestler and have to get ambulanced to the hospital....heart-attacking out on the way and get shocked back to life....Lying in that hospital bed and when I asked her how she was...the lesson she taught me then....holy ****...She couldn't talk with a tube stuffed down her throat, so she had a pen/clipboard with a bunch of paper to write stuff back to us and the nurses/docs/etc.....

Me: "O.k, so you're on the breathing tube, you look a little better, I know this sucks but how are you?"
Mom: "I'm good, this is my reward"
Me: "Uh, mom? Are you sure you aren't delirious? reward?!"
She holds up a hand, and looks me dead in the eyes and writes just two words and underlines them
Mom: " STILL HERE!!"
Mom: "I took care of people, was there when they were sick and in trouble....this is god rewarding me, I'm still here, fighting.".

Now...I'm you're average ex-mil guy, the tears just don't come on tap, but man, I had to look away for a bit to get my **** back together....Holy ****.....

You just nearly died in the **** ambulance, you have a tube stuffed down your throat just to breathe, you've got lines all over, and one in your stomach to get fed by...and you still have that much faith, grace, and strength of will?

I can only hope to have 1/10th of what she and my dad had...

Powerful teachers, the most painful and potent I've ever experienced...


But, in the last month or so I dug out all my hiking/orienteering gear....

Lensatic compass? check. Topo maps of where I'm headed? check. Pack loaded up, and then loaded up more because I need a kick in the ass and something to push me? check. Camelback filled? check. Right, let's get this ruck on!

Just today, I finished a 12 mile hike in some evil ass 90 degree Virginia heat, nearly all in the sun....If it hadn't been so **** hot I'd have hit my goal of 23 miles....I'm comin back for you, ya **** trail....Yes, yes I am....


I've had some hard lessons these past 2 years.....I've put a couple more miles on the rocket and every one of those miles has a story to tell....every.....one....

Some hard and seriously painful, some crazy with idiot drivers trying to merge ON to me (literally directly beside me, trying to push me out of the lane), some spent talking to mom/pop, some laughing at the weather, a lot just enjoying the trees roll on by..


Rocket captains!!

Ride on my brothers....Ride the hell on!

 

[Joesmoe]

So good to have you back. I surely hope you are stronger for the experience, and hope you will be able to pass the accumulated wisdom on.

Thank you for returning, and we look forward to hearing of your experiences with your Rocket.

 

[Nat67]

great post . So sorry for your losses bro .
Bin battling with lymphoma myself and am very fortunate to be writing this . Ride on !

 

[mr hunt]

Sounds like you do your mum and dad proud.

Great story and even greater choice to share it with us - thank you

 

[TRIIICK]

For all those sons and daughters that step up to the plate to take care of an elderly parent i commend you.I live it every day taking care of my 89 year old mother. It's been a learning curve for sure. Dealing with Doctors,prescriptions,insurance companies and those that don't have a clue what it takes to care for an elderly parent can take a toll on you.. I try to at least get one good ride in a week,it helps clear your mind and focus on whats ahead...

 

[Nat67]

For all those sons and daughters that step up to the plate to take care of an elderly parent i commend you.I live it every day taking care of my 89 year old mother. It's been a learning curve for sure. Dealing with Doctors,prescriptions,insurance companies and those that don't have a clue what it takes to care for an elderly parent can take a toll on you.. I try to at least get one good ride in a week,it helps clear your mind and focus on whats ahead...

Fair play to you mate !
My Mrs works in a care home , final stop whilst waiting for God. I find it hard to believe some of the tales she recounts of the elderly ladies and gents waiting day after day for a visit from their family's that very rarely comes . When they do get a visit , it is all too often a very quick one at that . Often accompanied with totally unsuitable gifts that the elderly can't use .
I just hope that those uncaring siblings get a taste of their own medicine from their kids when they are old and infirm !

 

[HansO]

Fair play to you mate !
My Mrs works in a care home , final stop whilst waiting for God. I find it hard to believe some of the tales she recounts of the elderly ladies and gents waiting day after day for a visit from their family's that very rarely comes . When they do get a visit , it is all too often a very quick one at that . Often accompanied with totally unsuitable gifts that the elderly can't use .
I just hope that those uncaring siblings get a taste of their own medicine from their kids when they are old and infirm !

Being in the same job as your wife I too see the same things and also the courage to keep on smiling when they know it is only a matter time before they leave this earth, It is a sad job at times but it also gives me strength to try and make every day as special as I can If I leave the residents room with them Smiling I know I have done my job, you don't have to big things ........ every little thing you do makes them feel loved and Special.
Finally also something that helps is where I work we try to make every one feel like we are one big Family ..... bit like here really

 

[Nat67]

Being in the same job as your wife I too see the same things and also the courage to keep on smiling when they know it is only a matter time before they leave this earth, It is a sad job at times but it also gives me strength to try and make every day as special as I can If I leave the residents room with them Smiling I know I have done my job, you don't have to big things ........ every little thing you do makes them feel loved and Special.
Finally also something that helps is where I work we try to make every one feel like we are one big Family ..... bit like here really

It takes a special kind of person to do your job Hans , and even more so to do it well and with compassion . Your post explains an awful lot about you mate .
You are a king amongst men , I salute you sir !

 

[Gearhead1969]

I feel for you man. Lost my dad to alzheimers/kidney failure in March, now my Mom's cancer is back. I was really hoping for a couple of easy years but......
I wish I could go riding but my Rocket is still waiting on parts from an accident I had nearly two months ago. So, enjoy your bike and the hiking sounds like a great idea too!

 

[Phalanx]

I truly hate to see anyone else have to be in the same situation watching a horrible monster like Alzheimers/dementia slowly (sometimes not so slowly) fade someone away.

Pop is a navy man like me, and I can summon up a pile of cuss words with the best of them, but he would go on 8 hour (yes 8 HOURS), binges of yelling the most impressive stuff at the top of his lungs. He'd kick the walls, scream that people were "here for him" and he really had no sleep schedule, at all. He was cathetarized, so of course he would attack that (I bought jumpsuit like clothing to prevent that) I tried blue light therapy, different meds in different combos, nothing worked, nothing. So I flipped my own schedule. I went to work at 6am, got home at 3, went directly to sleep, woke up at 11, and stayed near him until I went to work (and the care folks came in). Often, because of the screaming or other episodes, I'd get an hour of sleep a day....After 6 months of that, the doctors wanted to admit me and get me on blood pressure meds....155/115 was the reading the first time, second was higher and raised eyebrows....I couldn't leave him alone, he gave up everything in life and sometimes worked 2,3 jobs...So I started stealing back 5 minutes here, 5 there....


For all of you folks who are caring for someone with it now or who did care for someone with it, out of all the lessons I learned from my dad over that year, the biggest one of all is that you have to take small moments for yourself. Even if it's 5 minutes, 5 minutes standing outside, listening to the trees.

It can be draining, it can make you more tired than anything you can ever imagine, it will test everything about you in ways you never thought possible. But no matter where you are in your journey with it and the loved one you are working with, know this; You have the greatest weapon this universe has ever known...Your love for that person. You can, will, survive that journey. You will feel broken, tired, and empty, but you are not and you are not alone. Doctors, other people, they will look at you and that person suffering with dull/unknowing eyes, they won't know how to deal with it, but you do and will become a master of improvisation. You will live in the reality of that person with alzheimers/dementia, the reality that can change minute by minute, because they can no longer live in ours and you will understand that everyone you meet, everywhere, could be dealing with something you can't see and because of that, this journey will change you.


For you folks like Hanso and Nat's wife, there isn't enough gold and thank you's in this world I could ever give to folks like you. Without the angels who came in to help both while I was at work, and while I slept as I could, I would have had a heart attack myself. From where I lived through with taking care of him, I can sincerely say that you guys are life-savers.

Nat, my mom whipped its' ass for 8 years, pushed it into remission from her first diagnosis without chemo/drugs/etc. She was full on warrior mode and it was a sight to behold. You my friend are a rocket rider, a tamer of the modern day T-Rex and I daresay you have a lot of fight in you.

Ride on brothers!