I always yearned to be able to play the guitar , I tried in my late teens to learn but my fingers were so cracked and covered in birdseyes from my work it was impossible .
When I was in first school , the school brass band got to sit on chairs at the front of assembly , whilst all the other kids had to sit crossed legs on the floor . I was most indignant about this , so asked my father for a trumpet . He bought me the most battered , tarnished and bent cornet you ever did see , I couldn't play one single note .
I somehow managed to mime and blag my way into the school band . Twice I managed to sit on those chairs at the front of assembly , where a perfect view could be had up the girls skirts .
Inevitably I was rumbled , and once again relegated to the floor !